Tag Archives: menstrual taboos

For the Freedom to Bleed Red

 

“Come and see the blood on my skirt!” is the invitation given by Shambhawi Vikram.

Why?

…to demystify the taboos and create a healthy, sustained debate around menstrual hygiene and reproductive health.

How?

…carry pads, tampons and other products…around proudly.

When?

April 10, 2015

Who?

Pads Against Sexism that started in Jamia Milia Islamia University has found momentum in Jadavpur University and now in Delhi University – against rising sexism in our society. You can read more such stories from campuses across India at Campus Watch, and #RaiseYourVoice!

That affects me how?

People need to be comfortable with the fact that as they walk down the streets, there are women walking around wearing sanitary napkins and tampons fixed firmly so that not a drop leaks out; as they sit in classes there are people who have blood trickling down their vaginas and it may or may not affect her demeanour, her mood or her ability to solve a mathematics problem! And no, this blood is not impure or unclean in any manner. This is precisely the kind of discourse that tries to reify women’s body by reducing her merely to her womb, wherein her sexuality must be curbed, her body and person either raised to the divine (render her sexless) or cast her as a whore (demeaning and conveniently eroticising her). It is this discourse that reduces a woman only to her reproductive roles and thus conveniently discriminates against her with menstruation being the most obvious and ugly reminder of her fertility. (Read more.)

For more details please go to https://www.facebook.com/events/872641072781406/87300376274513

 

Venus Matters

There’s a nifty little idea that could come in handy for all sorts of bedtime situations and appears, at least in idea, to beat towels and old blankets hands down when it comes to protecting sheets and mattresses.

It’s a Venus Pad.

The Venus Mat is a cotton-covered, absorbent, waterproof and washable mat that keep stains or wet-spots off the bed linens. (Learn more.)

According to the website, Venus Matters to a lot of women.

  • women tired of menstrual stains on sheets
  • women with new babies
  • teenage girls concerned about night time leaks
  • women experiencing night sweats and heavy flows
  • sexually active women
  • women concerned with the perceived curse of menstruation

Take a minute and watch the video.

Know Thyself

I am blown away of the number of women unfamiliar with their bodies and who have never been “hands on” apart from the minimal touch required to keep it clean.

Tell me, Ladies, how many males do you know who are NOT hands on with their genitalia? From infancy on up until the day they die, males are hands on.  And, it’s accepted as the norm.

So, what’s up with us?  Why are we any different?  Is it just because ours doesn’t hang out in front and wiggle?  Or, because we don’t need to wrangle it when urinating to keep from spraying the wall…floor….? Does that give us a reason not to know and understand and handle what we have?

Or, is it more?

Is it that most of us are born with a hymen and social taboos prohibit us from doing anything that would harm that precious piece of skin lest we be considered to be of less value simply because our hymen is torn, stretched, or missing?

Is it because of misinformation that says that girls who handle themselves and are aware down there will become promiscuous?  (Did you know that’s the very reason some moms give for not wanting their girls to use tampons?)

When’s the last time you were hands on, genitally speaking?  When’s the last time you encouraged your girl to be hands on?

Look, Ladies, much of what we have is internal and what is visible, isn’t to us unless we take a mirror and explore the wonderful world down-under.

It’s time we do so – explore that is.  It’s your body, I don’t care how young or how old you are.  You’re responsible for her.  Know her – every millimeter of her. Know what she feels like.  Learn how she responds.  Decide what she likes. Understand what she dislikes and know why.

Be hands on.

There are two rules to hands on exploration.  Be gentle. Have clean hands.

Here’s a little homework for you when you’re not on, period wise.

  • Get a mirror and find your urethra. (Simply put – that’s where your pee comes out.)
  • Slip your finger into your vagina and feel for your bladder.  (This is best done when your bladder is full.)
  • After you locate your bladder (and even if you don’t), feel for your rectum and lower bowel.  (You might find that the meal you ate two days ago has neared the end of its journey and is approaching the exit of your digestive system as a lumpy, bumpy mass.)
  • While your finger is within your vagina, Kegel (tighten the muscles used to prevent or regulate urine flow) and see how tight you can squeeze.
  • While you have the mirror handy, see if you can find your hymen, or the remnants of it.
  • And, check out your inner labia.  Do they match? Do you notice any spots, freckles…warts?
  • Oh!  And, while you are down there, if you’ve given birth and had an episiotomy, see if you can find your scar!

There’s so much more to learn and do – it’s your body. Get to know her.  Understand her.  Appreciate her  Love her.  She’s dependent on you to take good care of her. How can you if you don’t know who she is?

Want some links?  Look below. Be advised. (Some contain simple drawings while others, actual pictures.) Be body wise. Be period wise.

Vaginal Self-Examination

Vagina – what’s normal and what’s not

What does a “normal” woman look like down there?

Female Anatomy – your ultimate guide

Vulva

Female External genitalia: Vulva

#ConfidentCarry – What I Learned

As one who spends a good bit of her day talking menstruation (menstrual products, body awareness, cycle consciousness, etc) I was taken aback by the repression I felt before I ever stepped foot out of my house #ConfidentCarry morning.

Pressure to conform to behavior that brought NO attention to menstruation was applied through subtle questions and not so subtle comments made by family members.

I knew to expect some resistance from without.  But, from my own family? And…from deep within myself?  That little voice of reason within kept whispering ages-old-wisdom to me (aka taboos).

Menstrual shame is so deeply ingrained within us, within society. Societal norms contradicted everything I was about to do.

As I stepped from my front porch and walked toward the car, I felt as though a spotlight was on me and my very being was magnified larger than life.  It had been a long, long time since I’d felt that self-conscious.  I felt like everyone was looking at me…at the pad on my back.

In fact, no one was.

As my daughter and I headed to our scheduled stops, I imagined several possible scenarios – reactions, interactions…and what I hoped to accomplish in each.

#ConfidentCarry was a terrific learning tool.  Here are some things I learned. (I say “some” because I am continually discovering things I learned as I play the event over in my mind.)

  • Menstrual shame is deeply ingrained in society.
  • Public display of personal feminine hygiene products is beyond the comfort zone of most.
  • People are curious and amazingly open.
  • Older women are more accepting of #confidentcarry than younger.
  • Men displayed the most discomfort and the most curiosity.
  • Young men were more apt to vocalize their uneasiness with laughter and crude comments.
  • Girls and teens are watching…ever watching.  They notice everything.
  • Self-consciousness fades as self-confidence builds.
  • #Confidentcarry triggered something (memory, comment, event) deep within every woman who noticed the overnight pad stuck to my back.
  • The longer I was in #confidentcarry mode, the more confident I became – I didn’t feel a need to hide ANYTHING. It was liberating.
  • After the initial surprise of seeing the pad on my back for what it was, life went on…conversations continued…it was nothing to get excited about.
  • Period products are packaged for #confidentcarry – have you noticed?
  • I found myself wanting to show my product off, inquire of others what they were carrying, and compare (like kids with collectable cards).
  • There is great curiosity about menstruation and menstrual products. And, a great need for openness.
  • We fear what we don’t understand and create taboos. Breaking taboos can be as simple as #confidentcarry.
  • Menstruation education is woefully lacking – for girls and for boys.  Concealed carry only adds to the mystery, perpetuates myths and strengthens taboos.
  • People become comfortable with what they are repeatedly exposed to. Over a brief time, #confidentcarry became the norm.
  • Hey – it’s a tampon…pad…cup. What’s the big deal anyway?

Truth, as I see it.  And, period wise, too.

What did you learn from #confidentcarry?

Concealed Carry or Confident Carry?

The recent suspension of a 17 year old girl for carrying a purple clutch containing feminine hygiene supplies caught my attention.  It reminded me of the “all clear” rule enacted last year by the NFL.  However, this goes a step farther and bans everything that would allow students to conceal anything.

That anything includes feminine hygiene products.  Apparently the Principal’s position is that teenage girls should feel confident enough to place their feminine hygiene needs in a clear bag for all the world to see and carry it with them to class throughout the days they are menstruating, or expect to become menstrual.

And, perhaps that’s what these girls should do until this rule is struck down. Perhaps the girls should band together and bring feminine hygiene products in a clear confident carry bag every day whether they are menstruating or not.

I wish all girls and women were so confident in themselves and with menstruation that they were comfortable doing just that.  It would go a long way in ending the embarrassment that so often (and unnecessarily) accompanies things period wise.

And, it would also put an end to the idiotic assumption that menstruation requires a doctor’s permission slip because it’s a medical issue.

A medical issue?  Um…the last time I checked the definition of “medical” it said the word related to the treatment of illness and/or injury.

Menstruation is NEITHER.

It’s a normal function of the female body.  Treating it as anything otherwise is ignorant and sexist.  It’s demeaning, degrading, indefensible, and, it smacks of sex-based discrimination.

I call for a day of confident carry on May 9 to raise awareness about the plight of menstruating girls and women everywhere.  Let’s end these ridiculous menstrual taboos and stereotypical assumptions about those who menstruate.  Let’s put a stop to the assassination of confident menstrual lifestyles by those who assure us they mean well and that it’s for our own good.

Girls at Galesburg High, and in schools across the land, are you willing to band together in support of your right to menstruate confidently, whether privately or publicly, as YOU choose and not as it’s chosen for you?  Join me in carrying feminine hygiene products where all can see on May 9.

Period wise women buck the norm.  What’s your norm and are you brave enough to step out of it for just one day for confident carry?

What Do You Fear?

For many years I feared that which I could not control and had no control over…my flow.

I could not control when it started or how long it lasted.

I had no control over how heavily I flowed or if I leaked.

That was unnerving.

Tampons were my go-to from the moment I thought flow would begin until after all color had departed.

And, when I say tampons I mean the biggest, most absorbent, baddest, fattest tampons I could find.

I didn’t just use one…I would use two…three…and have been known to use four or more at a time to achieve a sense of control over my flow.

I hated leaks…hated leaking.  The fear of embarrassment was overwhelming.

And, as I watch girls, teens and women, I know the fear is universal.

It saddens me.  Does it you?

What do you fear? And, why?

What would happen if you set aside the fear and just…lived, loved and embraced menstruation as it comes?

Let’s address the fear and find a solution.

Breaking cultural / social menstrual taboos is a good place to start.

And, so is taking a good long look at menstrual products.   It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway.  Not all menstrual products are created equal. And, they are not one size fits all.

Let’s accept menstruation as normal (it is) and not as an embarrassing or shame-filled experience (it’s not).

Let’s model a healthy and period wise attitude toward menstruation and let’s pay it forward to the next generation.

Let’s empower ourselves and others – knowledge is power – and, let’s choose products that are as healthy as they are helpful.

Be wise when it comes to period matters.

 

 

 

Who Are You Infecting?

I experienced the following while at a local garden center. (Hang with me…I’ve an important point to make.)

Two women paused between rows of brightly colored flowers. A conversation ensued.

Woman #1 said, “Oh, look at the beautiful flowers! So pretty!”

Woman #2 answered, “They hold nothing for me.”

Somewhat taken aback, Woman #1 said, “Don’t look at them as just flowers…see them as color…beautiful, bright, bold colors that excite the eyes!”

Woman #2: “They make my eyes hurt!”

Woman #1 paused and looked at her companion before replying. “They may hold nothing for you, but they hold everything for me. And, they speak of life and the joy of living, of hope and love, of growth and change. The colors…they make me happy…make my eyes dance and my heart smile.”

Woman #2: “Bah – make you happy, make your eyes dance and your heart smile?  They would die like all things die and then what would you have?”

Woman #1: “I would have the hope of renewal come Spring.”

Woman #2: “Hope?  Hope is dead…as dead as those flowers will be when Winter’s freeze kills them.”

Woman #1 reached out to touch the yellow blossom before her, and said, “You’re probably right.  I doubt they would survive the winter freezes, and I don’t have time to give them the care they would need.”

Woman #2: “Now you’re talking sense.”

It’s so sad that one’s words and attitude can infect another so quickly and so profoundly.

Let’s tweak that conversation just a bit and place it on the feminine hygiene aisle.  Perhaps it will remind you of a similar conversation you’ve participated in.

Woman #1 said, “Oh, look at all the different colors and product options! So pretty, and so many!”

Woman #2 answered, “You’re kidding right? This stuff excites you?”

Woman #1, somewhat taken aback, said, “Yeah, doesn’t it you? I love my period and I like trying different menstrual products. I learn so much about myself and my flow experience.”

Woman #2: “Um…no. In fact, I find it rather embarrassing to be standing here talking about all this.  Periods are private and there’s certainly nothing good about them. They hold nothing good for me…just pain, irritation, and embarrassment. I’ll be glad when menopause comes.”

Woman #1 paused and looked at her companion before replying. “They may hold nothing for you, but they hold everything for me. And, they speak of life and joy, of growth and change, of flowing and the cycle of life. The colors…they make me happy…make my eyes dance and my heart smile.”

Woman #2: “Excited about period products?  Ha! They are just something to use and throw away – a waste of money really, and totally nasty. At the end of a week, what do you have? Nothing but a pile of smelly trash.”

Woman #1: “I have joy in flowing and in embracing every part of my period…of my cycle…of myself. I have the satisfaction of being self aware and comfortable with who I am. It’s not nasty. There’s nothing nasty about it.  It’s normal.”

Woman #2: “Joy in flowing? Embracing your cycle? What…are you weird or something?  Periods aren’t something to enjoy…they are something to endure and live between. And, these colorful period products…they’re colorful for a reason, you know.  They want your money and don’t give a care about you or your period.”

Woman #1 reached out to touch the yellow box before her, and said, “You’re probably right.  I guess I do sound a bit odd, when I stop and think of it.  I’ll just get a box of tampons and….”

Woman #2: “Now you’re talking sense.”

Be careful. Our words and attitudes infect others – and usually it’s those closest to us…those we care about the most.

  • Be period wise – especially when talking with girls, tweens, and teens.
  • Be period positive and encourage others to embrace themselves –  their cycles – their periods.

If you saw yourself in Woman #2, please find healing before you infect others around you.

If you don’t know where to turn or how to find help and healing, drop me an email and let’s see if we can get you headed in a healthier direction.