Category Archives: Tween

New Puberty – A Crucial Resource for Parents

The day dawned like any other day.  The signs where there, but I pulled the cover over my head and turned over.  Surely I was mistaken – it wasn’t time for the day to start.

So it was with my daughter.  The signs where there, but either I didn’t recognize them or I pulled the cover over my head and declared it too early and me not ready to face the dawning of puberty in her.

Hands and feet were the first to grow.  Oh, how her feet grew.  It seemed that overnight she went from a size 8 child’s shoe to a woman’s size 9.  Her appetite became insatiable and her weight climbed.  Her breasts budded then quickly blossomed far beyond my expectation and well beyond her delight.

She wasn’t ready, did not want, rejected facts undeniable, insisted she was not / could not / would not ever….  She wasn’t having any of it.

Puberty had its unrelenting, undeniable way with her. And, she hated it.  All of it.  Cute girl’s shoes no longer fit her.  She wore shoes like her grandma.  Bras were confining and uncomfortable. And, wear a pad – ick – she could feel it.  All were a hated intrusion on her and an interruption to her ability to enjoy carefree childhood.

My little girl was developing the body of a woman.

Dressing her became a nightmare. Cute size 8 clothes that she loved were left hanging on the rack while larger, more mature clothing were selected out of necessity. “I look like Grandma” was her response. Everything had to be altered.  If it fit her one place, it didn’t another.  And, the length was always too long.

I knew it would happen. (One day.) Girls become women. It’s a process (meaning s-l-o-w) and puberty plays a huge role.  Over time girls grow up.   She knew that one day she would grow into a woman.

One day is always far in the future.  When you’re 8, there’s too much living to be done and fun to be had to worry about what can and will happen one day.

I knew it was possible for puberty to arrive early.  It did for her paternal grandmother – her first period was at age 9. But, I also knew that I experienced puberty late, as did my mother and her mother.  I assumed the same for her.

I steeled myself against the possibility. Surely puberty would not arrive until I was ready…she was ready.

Ah…I’d pulled the cover over my head in denial and allowed my daughter to do the same.

“One day you will have breasts and pubes and a period like Mommy.” How many times had I told her that to her inquiries as of why and what and when?

One day.

But, not today….

Oh, how I wish The New Puberty: How to Navigate Early Development in Today’s Girls had been in my hands when my daughter was little.  It would have given me the tools to help her accept her changing body and move gently through puberty.  I would have known what to do – and how.  And, equally important – what to avoid doing and why.

Instead of covering my head and refusing to face the dawning of “one day,” I would have been busy before dawn – ready to seize the day and squeeze every bit of good from it every day of her journey.

If you have a girl – get The New Puberty.  Get it even if you don’t anticipate her entering puberty early.  It’s a resource and wealth of information at your fingertips. It will change you.  Yes, you.  You experienced puberty and I’m guessing your experience was not all positive or pleasant.  This book has the potential to change your outlook and your daughter’s experience.

The New Puberty: How to Navigate Early Development in Today’s Girls is a crucial resource for today’s parents and a period wise investment.

 

Back to School – Period Wise

The count down to the first day of the 2014-15 school year has begun.

Back to school shoppers are filling the local stores as parents and children select school clothes and classroom supplies.

On the list of must purchase items should be period supplies if you have girls who could start or have started to menstruate.  And, along with period supplies should be a period pack for school – something small and discrete, yet big enough to contain necessary products and an extra pair of panties.

Back to school period wise thoughts follow.  (Additional thoughts are welcome!)

It’s estimated that 3 in 10 girls have begun puberty by 8 years of age.  Most girls will experience menarche as tweens.

With this in mind, it’s period wise to be prepared and the best way is to have a period pack handy at school (either in the locker, backpack, or purse).

Any small bag will work. Ex: A small makeup bag is perfect for holding a few liners, pads, or tampons, as well as an extra pair of panties.

If your daughter has not yet begun to menstruate, make sure she knows what to do in the event she starts.

If your daughter is new to menstruation, having a plan in place and her period pack with her will ease the transition from home to school and will calm any anxiety she may have as well as prevent embarrassment should her period arrive unexpectedly while at school.

If your daughter is a period pro and feels ready to move from pads or tampons to something more exciting (like cups) encourage her.  Periods often fall on weekends and holidays – what better time to learn the ins and outs of cup use!

When it comes to girls and menstruation, it’s best to prepare for the unexpected. Sometimes you just never know, and if she’s prepared, she’s confident.

If your daughter has already begun to menstruate, make sure her school period pack has a day’s worth of product plus 1.

If she has not yet started, make sure she knows what to do if she starts her first period while at school.

Also, help her have a plan in place in the event that she doesn’t have her period pack, or forgets to bring more product to school and suddenly discovers she needs it. She needs to know what to do in just such an emergency, and who to go to for help. (School nurse, school counselor, teacher, friend)

If your daughter has begun to experience vaginal discharge or expresses concern that her period may start, liners are terrific little confidence boosters.

Leaks are a big concern.  Have an anti-leak plan and a contingency plan in case she does experience a leak.

Talk through different possibilities with your daughter and come up with a plan for each.

If possible, before school starts, walk through the school with your daughter – visit the restrooms and look for receptacles. She will need to know what to do with used menstrual products.  (Flushing is not an option.)

Preparation is the key, period wise. And, it can make for an awesome, confident start school wise.

Life Before Puberty

Do you remember what it was like before you began to change?

You know…before your body began to respond to the hormonal surges that turned you from a child into an adult?

How much do you remember about the carefree body of your childhood?

The NPR piece set my mind to thinking about my own experience – not only with puberty and the changes it brought, but before.

Before – when I was just a little girl and my biggest concern was what Momma would have for dinner and if I would like it.

As a late bloomer, I had many more years of carefree body life – far more than children who enter puberty at 4, 6, 8….

But, try as I might, I found it difficult to remember what it felt like to live in a prepubescent body.

Oh, I remember the fun…there was a lot of fun. From daylight until dark, days were filled with fun.

In the summer I ran around shirtless like the boys and thought it wasn’t fair that I couldn’t pee on a tree like they could.

I remember the last time I allowed Mom to bathe me, but not how old I was.  She was always careful to make sure I was clean and her manicured nails scratched my delicate skin as she washed between and within. I’d had enough – “I’ll do it myself,” I insisted.

Surely I could part and wash between and within that part of my anatomy far better than she. My fingernails were short and my fingers small. A quick swipe with a soapy washcloth was all I saw a need for.  I had no idea there were folds and bits and pieces of me that were unseen and needed to be clean.

Apparently they weren’t aware either.

My mother had breasts. So did my grandmothers and aunts. And, my female adult neighbors did, too.  In fact, all the women I knew had breasts. They were evident on their chests…bumps or humps or lumps that protruded and got in the way most of the time, especially when they tried to hug you, but they sure did make nice pillows for sleepy heads.

I had a chest.  No breasts on me. And, as far as I knew, no breasts for me. I was a girl – not a woman.

My grandmother once told me, “One day you will have some, too.”

My reply was “No, I’m a girl – I’ll always be a girl and girls have chests…they don’t grow breasts!”

Free to be and at ease with my body, I had no problem being naked…in my backyard, in the wading pool, in the tub, with my family…with my friends. Why would I need clothes?  Why would anyone?

And, why would anyone want to cover up what they had? I knew there were rules that applied to how people dressed and acted, depending on where they were and who they were with.  I didn’t know what social norms were but I knew what was accepted by my parents and expected by others. I just didn’t know why…or care why.

Until a friend who was three years older than I visited me for a day of play.

On previous visits, at the end of a long summer day of play, we had jumped into the bathtub together and splashed away until Mom declared us clean. The only difference in us was our ages and height.

This visit, as daylight dwindled, I was left sitting on the porch while my friend bathed.

“Why can’t we get a bath together like always? Why do I have to wait? There’s plenty of room for us both!” I whined.

Mom said, “She wanted to get a bath by herself this time. Sometimes girls want privacy.”

Privacy! That’s what people asked for when they were in the restroom stall and little kids peeked under to see if the stall was occupied.

Why would my friend need privacy to get in the tub?

“Is something wrong? Is she mad at me? Why doesn’t she want to play in the tub with me?” I quizzed mom.

“One day you will understand,” Mom said. And, with a kiss to my furrowed brow she left me to ponder her words.

And, ponder I did. It was a great mystery and I would be the great detective and set about to discover why it was my friend preferred a boring bath alone to a continuation of playtime.

So, I did what any great detective would do…I tried peeking in the bathroom window. And, yes, Mom caught me before I was able to solve the thing that puzzled me.

And, now, here was a new thing.  My mom was guarding the privacy of my friend and keeping me from her. Surely, I had done something horribly wrong and upset my friend, causing her to reject me and the friendship and openness we once shared.

Our friendship did change from that point onward. I didn’t understand the change until years later, of course, and assumed I was the cause of it.  I mourned the loss I felt and hated the walls that were erected between us.

Age became an issue. I wasn’t “old enough.”  Again…I didn’t understand.

It wasn’t a matter of age.  It was a matter of maturity, of puberty. My friend had become self-aware and sought to hide herself in a cloak of privacy.

I, on the other hand, had no such encumbrances. I had no such burden to bear. I was free to be – me.

There was nothing about me that I thought to hide. My freckled face…my chest…my arms and hands…legs and feet…there was nothing scary about them and no need to hide them.  Everyone had them, except for women, who had breasts and there were laws about letting those bad girls loose in public. I knew…my dad had told me so.  And, I could see why there would be.  Those things could be dangerous…could poke a kid’s eye out or get tangled up in the steering wheel or worse.

I felt sorry for my friend, and for other friends as well, who lost their freedom to be and enjoy unburdened days of childhood. Mom’s words would come to me time and again, “One day you will understand.”

That day came rather unexpectedly. I had stepped out of the tub and was drying myself when I felt soreness on my chest.  And, it seemed the soreness was directly centered under one of my nipples. There was a lump there. My chest was swollen a little there as well.

“MOM!” I yelled, and she appeared instantly in the bathroom door.  “I think I hurt my chest today.  I must have run into the corner of something.”

Mom moved in for closer look.  “Ouch!” I said as she touched my chest and put gentle pressure on the tender lump.

“Are you certain you ran into the corner of something? This is directly beneath your nipple,” she stated with an odd look of concern on her face.

I didn’t recall hurting myself but I had been quite active that day and anything was truly possible and I told her so. “Do you think I have…cancer??” I asked her.

“No…and I don’t think you injured yourself either,” she offered as she felt the other side of my chest and asked, “is that sore, too?”

I shook my head “no” and assured her it was just the one side.  She nodded and said we would keep an eye on it but she was sure it was nothing to worry about.

(NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT?  REALLY?)

Over the next few days I watched and waited for a bruise to rise to the surface but one never did.  And, the lump didn’t go down…it got bigger and even more tender.

Instead of going shirtless, I was instructed to keep my shirt on.  And, not only that, but I was given an undershirt to wear as well.

It became shameful to be shirtless.

Suddenly I became self-aware and sought to hide myself and my body.  I was embarrassed and confused.

Something was wrong.

And, I was alone.

All of my peers had moved on years before and those I now played with were younger than I and wondered why I had become aloof and secretive.

My grandmothers delighted in the fact that I as “growing boobies” and said so…to me. And, they also said that I was “becoming a young woman.”

“GROWING BOOBIES??!!!???  A young WOMAN?  ME???”

For the first time in my life I wished I knew curse words.

And, I wished I were once again 3…4…8…10 so I could throw a tantrum and act my age…the age I still felt at times…when things weren’t all mixed up and felt so weird.

“Now that you’re becoming a young woman” became the most hated phrase anyone could say.  Why?  Because each time I heard it, it spelled the end of one of my childhood pleasures.

Grow up?  Me?? For what reason? I was fine just like I was, thank you very much. Become an adult? A woman? A Mommy? Um…why?

For the first time in my life I saw growing up as an obstacle to being me.

From my earliest memories, when someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say “a doctor…a nurse…an explorer… a writer….”  Becoming an adult was not even on my radar and certainly not on my horizon.  I saw no need for change…or to become.  I would just be.

And, I would be…me.

And, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I began to answer “free.”

Free to be me – that’s all I wanted.

And, now, it seems that I’m coming full circle.  (No, I’m not taking off my shirt and running around the neighborhood half naked – laws haven’t changed.)

I’m rediscovering the me that existed before becoming encumbered with the burden of “becoming a woman.”

Do your girls a favor –

  • Prepare them EARLY, explain to them, don’t be secretive.
  • Be open – with your own experience, with age appropriate information.
  • Make “the change” a normal part of THEIR growth…explain, explain, explain.
  • Help your girls see that it’s about becoming MORE who they are and not a time when they lose who they were.
  • Don’t force them to embrace an identity they are unfamiliar with and one that makes them uncomfortable, secretive and embarrassed.
  • Growing up is confusing enough as it is.  Don’t make things harder than they are.

Which Comes First – Periods or Puberty Ed?

Often what comes first is puberty, followed closely by periods with education about both lagging far behind.

With many girls experiencing their first period (menarche) in 5th grade, and some in second (or even first grade), waiting until 6th grade to offer puberty/sex ed makes no sense.

If girls received information and education about changes they would soon experience BEFORE they experienced them and felt prepared, they would be empowered to embrace the changes. What a difference it would make in their comfort level and ability to accept the changes and feel good about themselves and the changes they experience and see in their peers.

For more about this, check out NPR’s piece: Puberty Is Coming Earlier, But That Doesn’t Mean Sex Ed Is.

Menarche at 6

What do you do for a 6 year old who has her first period? And, for her mom, who feels overwhelmed and unprepared?

How do you explain to her what’s going on and why her tummy hurts so badly?

“Why does my tummy hurt so much, Mommy? Why”

“When will it stop hurting, Mommy? When?”

Where do you keep the tears, hers from pain and her mom’s from sorrow, as they fall unbidden?

Who has answers that can bring relief to her and provide support for her mom?

Period Wise is working toward creating resources for Moms with girls who enter puberty way too early and experience menarche when their greatest concern should be homework and invites to birthday parties.

If you are the mom of a girl who is experiencing early (precocious) puberty, we’d like to hear from you.

Camp Gyno Star Rocks Menstruation

If you’ve not seen Macy McGrail in the viral video “Camp Gyno,” you have really missed out. Take two minutes and enjoy an fresh, entertaining look as a nine year old girl experiences menarche (her first period) at camp and becomes the camp gyno.

For more on Macy McGrail and menstruation, check out Cosmopolitan’s interview of Macy.

How does Macy’s experience differ from your experience?

What is your initial reaction to the video? to how Macy embraced her first period?

Macy, who has not yet begun to menstruate is already period wise.  And, by Macy’s own words, she owes much to her mom and her openness about menstruation.

Period Stash

I came across a YouTube video of a girl’s updated (menstrual) product storage.  It’s a little long, but if you will do as I did and just briefly scan through it, it’s easy to get a quick glimpse of the variety of products she has available.  I have to admit, I was drawn to all the colors and the way she has them organized.

After viewing the video, I glanced into my period stash to see how mine compares to hers.  And, I looked at my daughter’s, too.

Mine are organized in similar fashion to the video, but Daughter’s are tossed into a drawer and mingle with deodorant, toothpaste, brushes, hair doo-dads, etc…total disarray.

Watching the video made me want to run out to my local Wal-mart and pick up a few of the newly minted products in the cool colors and sizes.  Though I have much of what she showed, for some reason hers looked flashier, newer, more colorful than my own.

There’s nothing like buying and checking out new products.

And, there’s nothing like trying new/different products to gain insight into our flow, period wise.

I wonder…

  • What does your period stash look like?
  • When was the last time you updated it?
  • When was the last time you really looked at all the neat things your local store offers period wise?
  • When was the last time you stepped out of your menstrual comfort zone and did something really wild for your period?
  • How many of the items in her stash do you recognize by brand/type/size, or have in your own stash?
  • How period wise is your period stash?

Preventing Childhood Sexual Abuse

Would you be embarrassed or find it difficult to tell you child (or grandchild), “Don’t touch that, it’s hot!” or, “Always look both ways before crossing the street” or, “If you eat that, it will make you sick and you might die.”

Of course not!  You love your children (and grandchildren) and want them happy, healthy, and whole.  And, you are willing to say and do anything that will keep them safe.

So, why do we often delay telling our children (and grandchildren) about other ways to keep themselves safe?  Why do we find it difficult to talk with them about Stranger Danger, about sexual predators and the possibility of/potential for sexual abuse?

Is it because we are uncomfortable with the topic ourselves? Or, do we truly have our heads in the proverbial sand thinking it can’t/won’t happen to anyone we love and care about?

I came across a blog post the other day by Amanda Morin on Popsugar.com entitled “Why I Had to Talk to My Kids About Sex Offenders.”

I could think of a lot of reasons why she NEEDED to but was curious about why she HAD to.

Two paragraphs into her piece I discovered why.

Last year, though, I was blindsided when someone in my family was sentenced on charges of possession of sexually explicit material. This was a difficult conversation I never thought to have with my kids — a conversation about child pornography and sexual predators.

And, of course, after her discover came the concern/fear that this important conversation with her children may be too late.

As any mother would, she immediately wondered if her own children had been victimized in any way by this family member.

What would you do if you discovered a family member or close friend had been charged with a sexual crime involving children? Would you know how to approach your children (grandchildren)?

Did you know that most perpetrators are people known by the child and trusted by them?  And, trusted by the parents as well?

Stranger Danger is real, but the home grown variety is most often the greatest threat.

Friends, family members, teachers/clergy/coaches have opportunity to become close to your child and to gain their trust. This is how life is.

But, if their interest in your child is other than wholesome, they have opportunity to not only abuse them, but to groom them in preparation for years of abusive behavior.

This is why it’s necessary to talk with your children (grandchildren) – not to alarm them or to scare them, but to arm them and enable them to protect themselves.  Children often do not know it’s okay to tell an adult “no.”  They need us to give them that permission and for us to let them know that if “no” is not heeded, it’s okay to scream and kick and enlist the help of others and not worry about upsetting the adult who won’t take “no” for an answer.

And, we need to let our children (grandchildren) know it’s okay to come to us with anything, even if it’s something they feel uncomfortable, confused or scared about.

Here are a few links to help begin conversation among adults who care for/about children and age appropriate conversations with the children (grandchildren) in your care.

A recent event in our local news reminded me that parents are usually the last to know if/when their children are being abused. And, that, my friends, is a scary thought.

A 46-year-old man was arrested and accused of sneaking into a home through an open bedroom window and having sex with a young girl in her own bed. Police said it all happened while her parents slept just down the hallway.

“The fact that the suspect was going to the residence with the parents at home — that’s what’s quite disturbing,” said Major Bill Sharp with the Rutherford County Sheriff’s Department. — by Nick Beres  (Read more.)

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

  • Did you know that girls who are sexually or physically abused may reach menarche earlier or later than average?
  • Are you aware that girls who are sexually abused often have emotional issues regarding their periods?
  • Did you know that monthly bleeding of menstruation can be a trigger that brings up memories of trauma, assault, abuse – and can be difficult to overcome because of its recurring nature?

Be period wise.

Are Clots Normal?

Holly and Charisse are two women who regularly talk about periods and things every girl and woman should know.

In their most recent video, they answer the question, “are clots normal?” and provide additional information about what causes clots and what, if anything, needs to be done about them.

2 minutes and 40 seconds of video – it’s period wise to take the time and watch, especially if you have a tween or teen girl.